Breathing

I open some windows

to escape my fate,

find birds and talk to them,

find trees and smile at them.

But every breath of air

transforms through me

into pure pain.

 

Sometimes,

I breathe pain

out of the air particles

that flee the house.

Pain I can’t escape,

pain I can’t explain.

The pain men

remind me of being

the weakness of my sex,

so deep and irresistible,

it diminishes

my very own existence

(me).

 

I close the windows

and shut the curtains,

while I breathe air in.

I close the doors

and hide the mirrors,

while I breathe pain out.

The room is finally dark.

 

Photo: Kozani, Summer of 2015, Greece. Minolta dynax 7000i, Kodak Gold, ISO 200, 35mm film.

That point between the shoulder blades

That point between the shoulder blades is
where pain sits and multiplies,
like millions of mosquito bites
it itches. Day in, day out.
You can’t lay down or sleep on your back.
You always have to keep your head down,
looking at the floor,
at the ground where
you took your first steps.
The point between your shoulder blades feels cold,
like icebergs have been formed there,
since the beginning of time,
without you knowing it.
But deep down you knew, all along
about the pain between those shoulder blades.
Now it’s part of you, you can’t imagine your life
without the pain.
Those icebergs never melt,
those mosquito bites never heal,
you need to keep your head down to the ground
and count the blessings in your heart.
And then the pain will transform
and the ice will start melting
while a hand is warming that spot
between your shoulder blades.

{Inspired by M. Oliver’s “When Death Comes” and that chronic pain between my shoulders.}

Photo: Leeuwarden, Friesland, June 2015. Minolta Dynax 7000i, Kodak Film 200, 35mm film.

The Journey

There was once this girl,
who treasured her family and her home.
Happy and carefree she would walk,
having a simple and common life.
She never met grave pain
or thought of something new to explore.

One day she traveled, began to explore.
And saw how unique she was as a girl.
She realized that love can cause such pain,
enough to made her abandon her own home
and start an exciting and new life,
without having a lonely road to walk.

Thus, she began an unknown path to walk.
A new land she found, countless to explore.
She found a purpose in her life,
forgetting that she once was a young girl.
But she felt quick enough that home
was far away. And then came pain.

She grew lonely, shed tears of pain.
It was hard to breath, impossible to walk.
The old memories dried, so did home.
Soon the days were short, nothing to explore.
I can’t belong, said the girl,
where is the purpose I had in life?

She began to miss that distant life.
Every return to her land brought more pain.
No future seemed possible for the girl,
two paths in front of her, but none she could walk.
The love she felt was not there to explore.
Her heart was repeating,where is my home?

Countless days passed, she still had no home.
She missed everything, sun, earth and life.
But wait, outside the window I see something to explore.
I put down the pencils, the notebook, the pain,
and go out to the sun to take a walk,
forgetting for a while, the life of that girl.

Outside the house, slowly disappearing I see the pain.
It seems that through life, I learned how to walk.
Discovering, exploring the feelings of any foreign girl.

This poem is part of a university exercise
September 2016